Why Barbie Broke Up with Oppenheimer
After her relationship with Oppenheimer turns sour, things go from bad to worse when the superstar decides to get serious about Hiroshima.
In an unprecedented break with the Barbenheimer franchise, fashion icon Barbie turned political this week during a news conference in Los Angeles. Instead of thanking the theater-going public for catapulting her new film past the $155 million mark, as expected, the blonde bombshell dropped a bomb of her own.
“When Barbenheimer first came up, I was glad to lend my notoriety to help launch Christopher Nolan’s new biopic about J. Robert Oppenheimer, the man responsible for creating the atom bomb,” she said.
“But when I discovered that the film leaves out what happened to the bomb’s victims in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, I felt betrayed. I thought the whole point of releasing the film shortly before the 78th anniversary of that terrible event would lead to a collective sense of shame about our complicity in that monstrous event.
The Superstar’s comments came as a surprise to everyone
“Everyone expected her to focus on pink power,” said an executive at Warner Brothers, who asked to remain anonymous. “She was supposed to praise director Greta Gerwig for reinvigorating her character and introducing the 64-year-old doll to a new generation. But no, she had to go off script and attack Oppenheimer. This is what comes of letting a doll into the real world. It’s a nightmare. A total nightmare.”
It is unclear if the international supermodel had alerted anyone beforehand of her intention to go rogue during the news conference. For her part, Barbie seemed undismayed by any potential fallout from her comments. It’s not unusual to hear the sound of camera clicks and flashbulbs during one of her press conferences, but this time they flew into warp speed as she continued.
“For all the soul-searching and breast-beating in Oppenheimer, the film fails to generate any collective sympathy for the victims,” she said. “Do you know why? Because it leaves them out. There are no scenes of what happened to those people, only a conversation about them.
“Three cheers for all the things the film does well. There’s no one quite like Christopher Nolan. Isn’t that right, Batman (wink-wink!) His Oppenheimer is full of tortured, high-minded thoughts on the morality of bombing a civilian population. But it does little to reveal the true horror of that event on the people most affected by it. It’s nice to know Oppenheimer felt awful—just awful— about what happened. But we don’t see his skin peeling off, do we? It’s not his child getting vaporized. Nor his wife dying of unquenchable thirst.
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“That’s why I’ve decided to tell you about those victims myself.
As you know, I wasn’t born till 1959, 14 years after Little Boy exploded on Hiroshima. But I can read, can’t I? And don’t forget, I just paid a visit to the real world. And you know what I found there? I found John Hersey’s Hiroshima. I found Dr. Atomic, the opera based partly on recently released classified documents about the Manhattan Project. I found a film called Hiroshima Mon Amour.
“And I also found Shirley Hazard’s Transit of Venus, a 1980 novel that makes the most compelling point I’ve ever heard about the bomb. Namely this: We didn’t have to drop that thing on actual human beings in order to win the war.
“All we had to do was tell the Japanese what we had and invite them to watch it explode on a deserted location, far from any city. To witness such an event, knowing that the Allies could have used it, would have led to immediate surrender and the end of the war in the Pacific. After all, the war in Europe was already over. Germany had surrendered two months earlier on May 8, 1945.
“But my enthusiasm for this belief did not last long.
Because it was flat-out wrong. After Little Boy destroyed Hiroshima, Japan was given three days to surrender or face the bombing of another city. Unfortunately, Emperor Hirohito refused, and the Allies destroyed Nagasaki, as promised.
“So even though I wanted to believe the mere sight of the mushroom cloud would lead to surrender, I see now that this would not have happened. Apparently, this view became popular in the 1980s because of widespread disillusionment after the Vietnam War. But many scholarly studies have since disproved the theory, which was mostly a case of wishful thinking, not based on facts.
Barbie paused for a moment
and gazed solemnly at the packed hotel suite and the faces that stared back at her. She had been in the public eye most of her life. But all of those earlier press briefings to announce expansion of her empire, the inclusion of Black Barbies who’d become her closest friends, and the merchandising of her every accoutrement, seemed inconsequential compared to this moment.
This, she thought, was the most important thing she had ever done. And she wondered if the people behind this tangle of cameras, microphones, iPhones, digital recorders, and glaring studio lights actually understood what she was trying to accomplish.
“I’m glad Oppenheimer reminds us that it was President Truman who decided to drop the bomb,” she continued. “I’m also glad the film shows all the people in the Manhattan Project who celebrated the terrible weapon that changed the world forever.
“But here’s another thing I learned while I was in the real world:
Our deepest motivation for developing the bomb was based on the fear-driven belief that Adolf Hitler was also trying to create a nuclear weapon.
“We now know that the Germans did not dedicate significant resources to such a bomb. They did study it at the laboratory level, where a smaller much less lethal version was developed near the end of the war, most likely for defense.
But even in Barbieland we know it’s silly to speculate on what might have been. We also know that not looking at what did happen is wrong. That would be like claiming enslaved African Americans learned many important skills during slavery without mentioning the whippings, rapes, mutilations, murders, separation of families, breeding farms, and the forced sunup-to-sundown labor under a scorching hot sun.
So keep that in mind as I describe to you some of what happened to the bombing victims Oppenheimer failed to tell us about during its three-hour run-time.
Are there any questions before I begin?
Reporter: Yes, Barbie. Um, how do you feel about Margot Robbie’s feet?
Barbie: Excuse me?
Reporter: Her feet. Ms. Robbie’s feet are featured quite a bit in your new film, but she wears a size 8.5 shoe, while your shoes, adjusted for full-size measurements, are reported to be size 3. Do you think Margot Robbie has big feet?
Barbie: What does that have to do with Hiroshima?
Reporter: It’s the kind of thing our readers like to know about.
Barbie: But I’m here to talk about Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Haven’t you been listening?
Reporter: Yes, and to that point—I think I speak for everyone here when I ask, ‘Just who in the world do you think you are?’
Barbie: I beg your pardon?
Reporter: I mean you’re an effing doll. You were created to look pretty and be pleasant. Where do you get off telling a great director like Christopher Nolan what to include in his film? Have you seen Inception? Memento, or Interstellar? For God’s sake, his new film isn’t about Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It’s about J. Robert Oppenheimer. Can’t you get that through that silly blonde head of yours?
Barbie: Apparently, you haven’t seen my movie yet. So you probably don’t know that I’m a woman of many dimensions. You’re trying to fit me into a stereotype. Put me in a box. And yeah, I can be that Barbie when I feel like it.
“But there’s also lawyer Barbie, journalist Barbie, doctor Barbie, weird Barbie, mermaid Barbie, and hot skatin’ Barbie. Plus a few others I haven’t told you about. When you put them all together, you get psycho-synthesized Barbie. A woman who’s integrated all those other Barbies into a unified whole. That’s who I am.
Any other questions?
Second reporter: Looking at your printed statement, Barbie, I see that you’re demanding reparations for the descendants of the bomb’s victims and survivors. Are you aware that the Japanese government has enacted several laws to care for the bomb’s victims? And the United States poured nearly $2 billion into rebuilding Japan after the war, helping it to become the third largest economy in the world. Don’t you think that’s reparations enough?
Barbie: Yes, I am aware of that. But I’m also aware that Japan’s Survivors Medical Care Law has had serious problems over the years, which limited the care victims and survivors could receive.
Are you aware that all these years later, an estimated 300-500,000 second-generation survivors may have lasting injuries and illnesses resulting from explosions and radiation exposure? They also face discrimination in Japan itself. And earlier this year, a Japanese court refused to allow them to claim medical benefits, ruling that the hereditary impact of the bomb is still unknown. Did you know that?
Now then, getting back to the civilians
who were directly impacted by the atomic bomb, the scale of the tragedy cannot be comprehended by numbers alone. I can tell you that 105 thousand people died in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but that doesn’t begin to cover—yes, you have a question?
Third reporter: Um, Barbie, could you explain the line at the end of your movie about how all the Kens in Barbieland will have as much power as women in the real world?
Barbie: Well, let me put it like this. Suppose I had the ability to turn you into a woman right here, right now. In the real world. Would you want to be one?
Third reporter: Hmm. Let me think. Would I be able to keep my prostate and all the junk that goes with it in case I changed my mind?
Barbie: No, you would have ovaries and a uterus. The works. And you would not be able to change your mind.
Third reporter: Is there a chance I might get pregnant?
Barbie: Of course. You’d be able to do anything a woman can do in the real world.
Third reporter: Well, what if I don’t want to be pregnant?
Barbie: That depends on where you live.
Third reporter: What the heck does that mean?
Barbie: If you live in California or New York, you could choose either to terminate the pregnancy or go ahead and have the baby. It would be your choice. But if you live in Texas or Idaho, you’ll be forced to have that baby.
Third reporter: Hmm. I don’t like those odds. Besides, I’ve seen childbirth on YouTube. It looks painful.
Barbie: So what’s your answer? If I could turn you into a woman right now, would you want to be one?
Third reporter: Not on your life.
Barbie: Why not?
Third reporter: Well, to be honest, I don’t believe I’d have the same level of freedom or as much power as I have now. A pregnancy could derail my entire career. Besides, women make less money than I do, even those with more education. Plus, you gotta deal with dudes copping a feel or worse. I wouldn’t want to put up with that for the rest of my life. So the answer is definitely no.
Barbie: Well, now you know what that line in my movie means. Ken has as much power in Barbieland as women do in the real world. Now getting back to Hiroshima. According to— Yes, another question?
Fourth reporter: I’ve noticed that you’re wearing a navy blue button up mini-dress with a white collar and matching white bow in your hair. Isn’t that the same dress you wore after you got to the real world? If so, why did you decide to wear it today? Did you think it might lend more gravitas than your usual pink ensemble?
Barbie opened her mouth, but no words came out
She looked at the mostly male faces staring back at her. And was glad she didn't tell them about Depressed Barbie, the part of herself that thought about death for the first time and had learned to cry. She’d been afraid of that Barbie at first. Now she knew that Depressed Barbie was part of who she was just like all her other identities. And just like all her other selves, this darker Barbie had made her stronger, helped her grow.
It would have been nice to explain that to the people in this room. If only they would listen. If only they would open their eyes and begin to see her.
When she failed to answer the last reporter, another reporter piped up with his own question. “Are you aware that your brand has been in decline for the past two years? And that even the success of your new movie has only slowed the decline, not reversed it? How does it make you feel, Barbie, that after all these years on top, you’ve being superseded by Disney Princess, Disney Frozen, and Monster High dolls?”
“Barbie,” shouted another, “would you care to comment on the new Barbie themed Monopoly game?”
But she had stopped listening now.
And would answer no more questions. She did not think of herself as a wise person. Just a woman with a conscience, who wanted to tell the world about the suffering the atom bomb had unleashed. She had done her homework to prepare for this moment. Could name names, tell stories, show photographs.
And yet, she could see now that even if she tattooed herself with everything she’d learned—like in Christopher Nolan’s Memento—no one would listen, no one would even care.
The lips of Wisdom are closed, except to the ears of Understanding.
In the silence that enveloped her as lights glared and cameras clicked, she remembered how that line had puzzled her when she discovered it during her visit to the real world. Now its meaning was apparent in this very room.
Understanding was not something you could force. You had to wait until people were ready. And you had to forgive them the time it took for that to happen. She smiled as she looked at them one last time. Then stepped away from the podium and left the room.
©2023 Andrew Jazprose Hill / All rights reserved.
Thanks for reading/listening.
No need to change anything. I don't really use Substack to write. Glad I made your day. You seem to go so effortlessly from Art to Politics to Criticism. I'm in awe. (Now, no more mutual back-patting. My head's getting big.)
Wow. You have integrated fantasy and the real world seamlessly and cleverly. I don't want to sound too fawning, but your range, your erudition, and the elegance of your writing are amazing. Please keep enlightening us. With your help, we may continue to develop the ears of Understanding.